CLAUDE’S Relationship Rules

1) If a man agrees to accompany a woman to go shopping for anything other than food….he gets a blowjob.

2) Whenever a heterosexual male accompanies a woman while she shops, he should be allowed to sit on a chair or a couch….even if it’s for sale in the store.

3) If a man lasts for less than 10 minutes in bed, he must now make up that time by listening to the woman.

4) When women get home from work and start bitching about their day to their boyfriends…..they can only do it when the TV is off.

5) When women rag on their boyfriends for more then 30 seconds…..men are allowed to shine a flashlight on them to give them the “Wrap It Up” signal.

6) If a woman ends her friendship with one of her girlfriends; her boyfriend should still be allowed to invite her “Ex-Girlfriends” to his comedy shows.

7) Couples are allowed to drive together as long as THE PASSENGER NEVER COMPLAINS ABOUT THE DRIVER.  When you’re driving; do whatever you want, as long as you don’t put lives in danger…..but if you’re a passenger, shut up!

8)Couples having a romantic dinner should turn their phones off and not text their buddies.  You’re not that important; surely a stupid, hack joke followed by a smiley face can wait a hour to read and reply to.  Enjoy your dinner.

9) If a couple sets up a friend on a bad date…..they now owe that friend dinner.  Or drinks.  Preferably drinks.

10) If a couple sets up two friends who become a couple…..the match-making couple is now owed dinner.

11) If a man convinces his lady to watch any sporting event that she’s not into…..his lady can now make him watch an episode of “Oprah”.

12) Ladies  –  if you catch your man masturbating….don’t yell at him; help him finish!

13) Men  –  if you catch your woman masturbating…..get it on film!  Then help her finish!

More to come….

By Claude Stuart. ©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.

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