SANDRA BULLOCK: Jesse James Chooses Tatted-Up Pro Ho Over Ms. Congeniality

GO FIGURE! Reality Star/Grease Monkey/Two-time-porn-star-hubby, Jesse James, admitted to cheating on wife Sandra Bullock with porn star Michelle “Bombshell” McGee.  When asked if she had any clue as to the affair, Sandra replied “No, I was too busy tripping on red flags.” 
Now come on.  I love Sandra as much as the next moviegoer with low expectations…..but she married a motorcycle builder who named himself after the most infamous outlaw in history.  His second (Count ’em – 2!) ex-wife is a porn star who sued him and Sandra for custody of their daughter and lost; and who also was arrested for beating James and for tax evasion!  She hasn’t even completed her GED; she plans to write books about her lesbian sex with inmates; and her new husband is a convicted felon.  This relationship has more red flags than a Chinese Nascar race.
James explained he hooked up with McGee because he’s always had the fantasy of banging a woman who looked like Tommy Lee with tits.  This chick has more ink on her than The Old Testament. Sandra Bullock said of Jesse James cheating:  “It’s karma.  I deserved it for making “MISS CONGENIALITY II”, “ALL ABOUT STEVE” AND “THE LAKEHOUSE”.
Sandra Bullock is the only person in history to have been voted “best” and “worst” actress of the year.  She won two Razzies for “All About Steve” (Worst Actress, Worst Onscreen Couple) and won a Golden Globe, SAG award and an Oscar for “The Blind Side”.  Quite the bipolar existence….her Hollywood peers have also voted her Best Person and Worst Spouse-Chooser. You can’t really trust a guy who named himself after a 19th Century murderer/robber/gang leader.
Everyone loves Sandra Bullock and hates Jesse James now.  Even Tiger is boycotting “Monster Garage”. Charlie Sheen is emailing James, saying “Dude, control yourself!”

McGee has the letters “W” and “P” tattoed on her legs, rumored to stand for “White Power”.  Sandra Bullock said “That’s not true; it stands for ‘Whitetrash Prostitute’.”

When asked what her most difficult project to date has been, Sandra Bullock answered, “That would be Jesse James.”
There are police reports of James’ ex-wife Janine Lindemulder punching him, attacking him with a flowerpot and metal sculpture and attempting to run him over with a vehicle.  The police concluded Lindemulder overreacted because James drank all the Grape Soda and kept using 3-syllable words without explaining them.
Janine Lindemulder has done hundreds of adult films, appearing with everyone from Vince Neil to Jenna Jamison.  She’s beyond a “ho” and a “ho-bag”; she has now achieved the elite status of a “Geik-Ho:  So easy, even a caveman can do her!”
In 1999, Janine Lindemulder announced she was leaving the adult film industry to become a kindergarten teacher.  But that didn’t work out, considering she never could define nor properly pronounce the word “kindergarten”.  (Hey, it’s a 4-syllable word!) In the interview, she described “kindergarten” as “a nice yard with flowers and fruit”.
If Sandra Bullock and Jesse James get divorced, she stands to lose MILLIONS because they have no pre-nup.  James got a call from Kevin Federline who said, “Welcome to the club, dawg!”

By Claude Stuart

Copyright 2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved

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