UNDERCOVER BOSS: “Hooters Is Named After The Sound Owls Make,” Claims CEO

In one episode of “Undercover Boss”; Coby Brooks, CEO of Hooters, was chastised on camera for his restaraunt chain exploiting women.  Brooks defended himself by saying “Hooters is not named after a woman’s breasts.  It’s named after the noises that owls make.”  Yeah, apparently where he grew up; all the owls flew around going, “Big Titties!  Big Titties!….Hoo!”

Brooks then told reporters that Hooters donates money to breast cancer research.  He actually said “Hooters donates money to breast research, I mean – breast cancer research.”  Reporters tried to write this down, but they couldn’t see ’cause the irony was too thick.  Well, give him credit: Hooters donating money to breast cancer research is a wonderful thing.  Chip n Dales and the Thunder from Down Under don’t donate money to testicular cancer research….or STD research, for that matter.

Brooks went undercover as a Hooters employee named “Scotty”.  In the second episode of “Undercover Boss”, he accompanied waitresses outside in the parking lot to offer free chicken wing samples to customers.  He clearly didn’t know how to do this job properly, as he kept saying to customers, “Who wants some breasts?  They’re free!”  The customers all said, “But those aren’t chicken breasts; they’re wings.”  Brooks instantly snapped back, “I’m not talking about the food; I’m talking about the slut holding it.”

7-Eleven CEO Joe Depinto found his undercover job difficult.  He’s seen on camera spilling coffee on the floor and screwing up a pastry-making assembly line.  In defending his mistakes, Depinto said “This job is really hard to do when you’re drunk.”  When asked why he was drunk on the job, Depinto told the camera “Isn’t everybody in 7-Eleven drunk at night?”

Waste management president Larry O’Donnell went undercover as an employee and picked up truckloads of trash.  He got inspired and as soon as he came home, he wrote his new company policy changes down in a legal pad.  The only problem….the next day, O’Donnell threw away the paper into a truckload of trash.

White Castle chain owner Dave Rife went undercover and learned “We’ve got some truly fantastic talent out there.”  When asked to expand on this idea Rife explained, “Some of our employees actually say ‘Welcome to White Castle! How can I help you?” in English. Some leave onions off the burgers when customers request “no onions”.  And some even have all their teeth!”

After Rife heard about a White Castle employee’s recent heart attack, he gave his workers online access to advice from nurses and dietitians and decided his company would cover employee co-pays from preventative doctor visits.  One dietitian told his employee that the best way to prevent heart attacks is to not eat at White Castle.

After mishandling equipment in one of his many bakeries, Rife accidentally ruined thousands of hamburger buns – or as Kirtsie Alley calls it, “lunch”.  Rife claimed he was confused because he had just smoked a joint, trying to fit in with his employees and not blow his cover.  “I didn’t realize all the workers at White Castle were high.  Now I know why so much food is missing.”

Michael Rubin, founder and CEO of GSI Commerce (an online retail service company), went undercover as a fast-packing box loader.  He found the job so grueling and “demoralizing” that he called his Mom and said he didn’t think he could do it again.  His Mom responded, “Aw, honey….suck it up, ya overpaid pussy!  You’re on national TV!  These box loaders are getting paid minimum wage to lug boxes around every day; you’re getting paid millions to read emails.  Now shut up and pack the boxes!”

By Claude Stuart. ©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.
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