Baby SCARFACE

The concept of “Scarface” as an elementary school play is truly hysterical.  To whomever thought of this and put it together, kudos!  You know a live action production is absurdly funny when it could easily work on “Family Guy”.  I appreciate the language being toned down for kids; i.e., “Fudge you” and “You son of a B!”  (The second is actually a Dane Cook line; but the originality of this “play” strongly outweighs the possible pilfering of a 5-word punchline.)  Censoring the profanity in this situation actually makes it funnier.  If the kids were really swearing, the joke would quickly wear off; ’cause Scarface drops more F-bombs than Ian McShane in “Deadwood”.

The casting of Tony “Scarface” Montanna is really good.  The boy looks like a tiny, screaming Pacino….wow, there was a couple of extra adjectives.

The little girl who plays Tony’s wife (Elvira Hancock, played by Michelle Pfiffer) is brilliant.  The lines “You do coke and you kill people.  That’s wonderful, Tony.” are inherently funny; but her sarcastic delivery, airquotes and utterly annoyed eye roll knock it out of the park!

Tony’s best friend (Manny) is the theatrical weak link here.  His acting abilities make Keanu Reeves look like Sir Anthony Hopkins.  After being shot by Tony, his “fall” is faker than Meg Ryan’s lips.  And what’s with the outfit?  I remember Manny wearing white in the movie, but this kid looks like a miniature mariachi trumpeter.

The popcorn as a cocaine substitution is fantastic.  I’ve tried snorting popcorn and eating cocaine.  Oddly enough, they’re both equally impossible.

Sometimes Tony’s gun sounds like a capgun; other times it sounds like a video game.  Regardless, Tony’s sister (Gina) screaming right after he shoots her is awesome.  And the hand-drawn “security cameras” are a nice touch!

When Tony is jumping around, reacting to the barrage of bullets….that’s how my gay cousin dances.

I love the teacher leading out the kid in the green jacket, facial hair and sideburns.  I honestly thought the kid was blind at first. And what the hell did he shoot at Tony, a piece of styrofoam?  Whatever it was, Tony had a great fall.  Seriously.

The icing on this deliciously vicious cake is at the very end  –  the kid in the green jacket bowing and waving like he just conducted the L.A. Philharmonic orchestra.

Sidenote:  When Tony says “Say hello to my little friend”, he could literally be talking about any of his co-stars.  They’re all in elementary school!

Here’s the one little problem I have with this video:  I don’t buy it.  It’s a hoax.  No elementary school  –  not even in Cuba  – would actually produce a “Scarface” play by the kids for their families.  Guns, cocaine and murder would not be condoned by hundreds of parents and faculties; much less applauded.  However, high nerds would probably see this and go, “I love the guns and murder, but why do they need cocaine?”

Even though this is not a real elementary school production, it is absolutely hilarious and deserves to be viewed by you and your friends.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some popcorn to snort.

By Claude Stuart

©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.


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