ONLINE DATING: Who Needs Porn? Internet Hoes Do It On The 1st Date

What’s the difference between PORN & ONLINE DATING? Both include semi-naked girls and guys with their asses pointed towards you while they lick their index finger.

The porn industry blames its $74 million decline on online dating sites.  1 out of 3 women who meet men online have sex with them on the FIRST encounter.  Well, who needs porn when you’ve got real hos with just a click of a button?  Here’s what the porn industry needs to realize:  Couples who meet OFFLINE take an average of 42 months before they marry.  Couples who meet ONLINE average 18.5 months before they marry. Thus, the online couples are running to the alter 2 YEARS SOONER.  This sounds like a great reason for men to NOT meet women online.  In fact, it would make a great commercial FOR PORN.  Hey gentlemen – would you rather spend cash on a complete stranger who could possibly ruin your evening and shatter your confidence forever, or would you rather just go home and enjoy some new PORN you just bought yourself?!!  Of course you’d rather take Choice B; you bought it for you; ya know you’re gonna love it!  A date with lady you meet online is gonna cost you a good $100; one porn dvd is $20 at the most.  In this economy, can you really afford to blow a Ben Franklin on a woman who MIGHT have sex with you? Your hand is NEVER gonna turn you down.  Remember:  Nobody does you….like you.

One out of 3 women who meet men online have sex with them on the first encounter; and 4 out of 5 of of them DON’T USE PROTECTION.  Clearly, sites like “match.com” need to start advertising condoms.  A spokesperson for “match.com” said “Well, we do advertise herpes medication.”  Well-played, sir.

On online dating sites, men lie most about their age, height and income.  Okay, age and income you can initially cover up…..but height?  Come on!  Unless you show up in a wheelchair or wear some KISS-type chuckaboots, how the hell are you gonna deceive a woman about your height?  You can’t list yourself as over 6 feet, then show up with the vertical stature of Prince.

And women, on the other hand, lie most about their age; weight; and physical build.  Again, you can cover up your age….but weight and build?  For the love of all that’s Holy, get real.  I used to meet women on myspace; this was the universal system that I noticed:

If a woman lists her body type as “athletic”, she has a big ass.  (Which I don’t complain about; I always say “If there’s junk in the trunk, time to collect.:)  If she lists her build as “curvy” or if she has a picture of her holding the camera from above, she’s fat.  If she lists her build as “more to love”, she’s enourmous. And if her profile picture is not of her but of her kids or of Angelina Jolie…..just delete her.

But there’s a lot of hot girls on line out there; good luck, guys!  My advice?  Two words:  Single mothers.  They’ll give you a whack and a snack.  Just stop lying about your height, fellas.

By Claude Stuart

©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.

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2 Comments

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