OPRAH: Pathological Liar? No Not Oprah

Kitty Kelly’s new book alleges that Oprah is a liar who is obsessed with her public image.  I’m truly shocked; it’s not like she named a magazine after herself and appeared on every cover.

Kitty Kelley says in her new book she knows the secret identity of Oprah’s real father but doesn’t wanna reveal it.  Kelly also claims she knows who shot JFK and where Hoffa’s body is buried, but doesn’t wanna reveal it.

Supposedly Oprah and Stedman don’t even share the same bedroom.  Tom Cruise’s reaction was, “And the problem is…?”

Oprah is rumored to have had an affair with John Tesh.  Oddly enough, the sex was “boring, unnecessarily informative and had a bad soundtrack.”

Tesh’s ex says he broke things off because he couldn’t handle being part of an interracial couple.  She told the press, “He looked down one night and saw his white body next to her black body and couldn’t take it anymore.  He walked out.”  This disgusts me…not that he couldn’t handle interracial love, but the image of John Tesh walking naked.

John Tesh was in denial about his affair with Oprah; he actually thought she was white….until she admitted that she doesn’t who her father is.

Oprah says she actually dumped John Tesh ‘cause after every love-making session; he started playing contemporary Christian songs on the piano and telling her health-related factoids.

Supposedly Oprah sold her body for money and described herself as a teen prostitute. Her street name was “Ho-prah”.

Oprah claims to have been so poor, she adopted two cockroaches named Melinda and Sandy.  Her family members say this is a lie; Melinda and Sandy were metaphorical cockroaches – a hooker and pimp who lived with the family.

Supposedly Winfrey had a lesbian affair with Diane Sawyer ‘cause Winfrey sent her flowers and a 1-carot diamond ring.  Okay, if a woman sends another woman flowers and a diamond ring; most of their boyfriends would say “What the hell is going on with you two?  And why wasn’t I invited?”  If my girlfriend sent another girl flowers and a diamond ring, I’d say “Where the hell did you get the money? You know rent’s due next week, right?”

Kitty Kelly’s new books alleges that Oprah lied about being sexually abused as a child and about growing up in poverty.  But Kelly says Winfrey was actually born in Koskiusko, Mississippi.  Sidenote: “Mississippi” is an old Indian word meaning “Father of Waters”; and “Koskiusko” is an old Indian word meaning, “Mother of Liars.”

<Buy Oprah Book Here>

By Claude Stuart

©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved

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