Lost iPhone Text: “I’m With Stupid”

Gray Powell, an Apple Software Engineer, lost the next-generation IPhone.  While celebrating his birthday at a German beer bar, he got hammered and accidentally left the new IPhone on a barstool.  My question is:  Who’s partying with Apple Software Engineers?  I have respect for these Engineers now; I never knew they got drunk!  When I think of a ‘computer engineer’; I imagine Robert Carradine in Revenge of the Nerds, not an overaged fratboy pounding shots like Nick Nolte at last call.

Gary Powell  –  who looks like Eminem’s stunt double  –  was reveling at Gourmet Haus Stadt.  This fine establishment specializes in German beer; and oddly enough, “Gourmet Haus Stadt” is German for “Come Get Drunk and Lose Your Phone.”

Well, the bad news is  –  the new cutting-edge IPhone got lost.  The good news is  –  we can blame it on the Germans.

Poor Gray Powell.  He’s a brilliant, 27-year-old engineer who was working on the IPhone Baseband Software.  For those of you who aren’t tech nerds (And for those of you who’ve actually had sex at some point), this little programs allows the IPhone to make calls.  This is a DREAM OCCUPATION for a young engineer.  He always wanted to meet Steve Jobs….then he works for Steve Jobs….now he has no Jobs.

By the way, gentle reader; don’t worry if you didn’t know any of this information until now.  I literally JUST discovered it myself.  I own and frequently use an Apple Mac computer; yet whenever I hear the word “Apple”, I immediately think “Martini”.

We’re actually not certain whether or not Powell got the axe; Apple has not disclosed that information.  But we can tell you this….(why do I continue to type “we” when I’m the only one here?  Ah, yes, “we” refers to the voices in my head.)   Fact:  During the morning of the I-Pad launch, an engineer showed Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak for 2 minutes.  Because of this, he was fired.  No joke.  It’s harsh, but I admire Apple for being consistent.  This company has been ruthlessly secretive from the get-go.  It’s easier to crack the Da Vinci Code or recover the Lost Ark than it is learn Apple’s next unreleased product.

But there’s always a silver lining.  Gray Powell is rumored to start starring in Mac commercials with Justin Long.  He’ll be playing the role of the “PC”.  (All of the voices in my head laughed at the last sentence.)

By Claude Stuart
©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.
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