Mexican Holiday Alert

Fears of violence – from both gangs and corrupt police – are keeping tourists away from Mexico.  The politicians are very concerned; last year tourism decreased due to the swine flu.  One spokesperson for the Mexican government stated, “These pigs are killing our economy….and so are the animals with the swine flu.”

20,000 people have been killed in the battle between cartels and Mexican security forces.  68 have died from the swine flu.  Clearly, the tourism industry’s problem is not a few sick sows.  Hey, if you wanna make an omelette; you gotta crack a few eggs….but maybe nix the bacon.

Violence increased in Mexico this year; 1,000 were killed in March.  But most of these people died because they were trampled in the streets fighting over chicklets.  The rest died due to a freak donkey show-related accident (side note; Donkey refused to be questioned.  What an ass!!!)

Many Mexican businessmen insist that the violence only occurs in certain parts of their country; and it never happens in beautiful tourist spots like the Mexican beaches, colonial-era churches and Mayan ruins.  said, “People really need to visit these sights.  According to the Mayan Calendar, they’re only gonna be around ‘til 2012.”

Sidenote II:  People often ask me if I’m worried about the world ending, due to the Mayan Calendar ending in 2012.  My answer?  Here’s the thing….um, I’M NOT MAYAN.  So it doesn’t really affect me whatsoever.  I’ve actually decided to live according to the calendar of my Jewish buddy, cuz technically we’re in the year 5000 and something…way past the Appocolyptical 2012 date.  Those people are smart….and optimistic.

Even though most American tourists are too scared to travel to Mexico, the chances of them getting killed by cartels or crooked cops are very low.  However, the chances of them getting robbed are extremely high.  But in all fairness; statistics show that most deaths in Mexico are attributed to heart attacks, drowning and falling off balconies.  So there should be nothing to worry about, my fellow travelers….as long as you don’t eat, swim or party on the top floor.

I’ll be honest (Like I always am in my blogs!), I’m supposed to go to my friend’s wedding in Mexico; and I am beyond scared.  Seriously, I’m shaking like Michael J. Fox and Mohammad Ali on a tightrope.  I don’t need to get accidentally caught in the middle of drug-related gunfire.  Then again, Coronas are only 10 cents….looks like it’s time to brush up on my Spanish.  Adios, amigos!

By Claude Stuart

© 2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved


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