Saggy Pants: Crackdown on Indecency?? CRACK…Down

Are saggy pants now banned in New York City?  Well, not officially; but it just may happen soon.  Check this out:  New York Senator Eric Adams saw a young “man” wearing saggy and revealing pants on a subway and reached his boiling point. Adams immediately rented two billboards that simply said “STOP THE SAG!”.

Sagger /Swagger?

A few national organizations are offended by this potential ban, most namely the Screen Actors Guild.  Their spokesperson said, “You think we’re tough to stop now? Wait ‘til we merge with AFTRA, bitch!”

In describing the shady-looking gentleman who inspired his hopeful law, Edwards said, “His behind was showing.” Really, Eric? “Behind”? Come on; you’re a grownass man. And grownass men can say “ass”.

Prior to Senator Adams, many politicians and law enforcement agencies have attempted to outlaw the sag-jean look, going so far as to call the trend “indecent exposure”. What’s Adam’s next ban? Kirtsie Alley’s haltertop.

Some punishments of the too-low jeans include jail time. Well, first of all….this is great news for inmates. Talk about easy access; baggy jeans are foreplay in prison!  Secondly, this would be the only time I’d feel sorry for dudes wearing this stupid-looking fad. ‘Cause conversations would go like this:

Prisoner #1: “Yo, I’m in here for homicide!”

Prisoner #2: “So? I’m in here for double homicide!”

Prisoner #3: “Whatever, I’m in here for wearing these saggy-ass jeans!”

Prisoner #1: “Oh, you’s my bitch now. Come here!”

(At this point Prisoner #2 has no other lines ‘cause he’s hyperventilating while removing Prisoner #3’s pants.)

Let’s be honest:  If you see a guy sportin’ a pair of single back pocket Sean Johns with the back pocket hangin’ to his kneecap….he’s not running for office. Throwing this dude in the slammer is not gonna prevent a cancer cure or save the economy.  The only things saggy jeans can save are belts and paper clips.

Adams also says, “The first indicator that your child is having problems is the dress code.”  Many Catholic altar boys responded to this statement by saying either “Thank you!” and “Tell me about it.”

Adams has a commercial currently running where he tells the camera, “You can raise your level of respect if you raise your pants.” I agree with the Senator.  Honestly, dudes walking around with their pants sagging lower than Linda Hogan’s bikini look like complete IDIOTS.  Be a man, buy a belt and cover your ass.  Some say “Pull yourself up by your boot straps”; I say “Pull yourself up by pulling your pants up.”  These baggy jean freaks look like oversized toddlers with diapers that need to be changed immediately.  And before anyone starts typing their little “Claude Stuart’s blog is racist” response, do your research. Eric Adams is black. For reals.

By Claude Stuart

©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.


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