Unwell Mel

ALMOST everyone in America has heard the phone calls of Mel Gibson’s enraged, profanity-laced rants to ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, and EVERYONE’S talking about it.  But there’s some key elements they’re missing.  Let’s check ‘em out:

(By the way, how brilliant would it be if Mel and Oksana were actually in cahoots and these arguments were just a prank?)

First of all….I don’t know if Mel Gibson is clinically insane; but when he had these phone conversations, he was definitely insane.  He’s completely out of breath and literally sounds like Darth Vader biking the last mile of the Tour de France.  You don’t pant like a cocker spaniel in Phoenix on the 4th of July unless you’re an irrational nut job.

During his career-ending conversation, Mel actually screamed “You need a fucking bat in the side of the head!  You need a fucking doctor!”  What?  Like they’re the same thing.  If these two sentences are synonymous in Mel’s deranged world, he would make the worst doctor ever.  He’d make Patch Adams look like Anthony Edwards in “ER”.  Then – after repeatedly calling her the “B” and “C” words – Mel has the audacity to shriek, “Don’t you dare hang up on me!”  No problem, Mel; please keep abusing me….

Next Mel yells, “Just get the fuck away from me!”  Uh…dude, she’s on the phone, miles away from you; and YOU’RE the one who insists on continuing the conversation.  Mel then threatens, “I’ll call the police, and tell ‘em you’re in my house!”  Okay, Mel….it IS her house; you just paid for it.

THE WORST THING GIBSON SAYS…..While complaining that Oksana dresses too provocatively, Mel said “If you get raped by a pack of n****rs, it’ll be your fault”.  Wow.  Here’s the problem: Not only did he drop the N-Bomb, but Mel referred to black people like hunters refer to wild wolves. (“Wild Wolves”? As opposed to those tame, docile wolves we all know and love?) Instead of saying “a bunch”, Gibson opted for “a pack”; implying they are bloodthirsty, terrifying animals. Well, I think being chased by a group of black people is not half as scary as being chased by a pack of Mel Gibsons.

This is THE MOST ILLOGICAL statement Gibson utters during the phonecalls:  “I’m going to burn the house down, but you will blow me first.”  O-M-G.  What woman hears this and says, “That’s my fantasy!  I’ve always wanted to suck off a psycho right before he burns me to death!”  Is that Mel’s ultimate tactic of seduction?  To demand a blowjob in exchange for homocide and arson?

After hearing these rants, Alec Baldwin said “Unbelievable! And people freaked out ‘cause I called my daughter a ‘piggy’!”

Mel has 7 kids with his first wife and then had a kid with Oksana right before they split; this guy populates more than a fruitfly.  He’s a walking semen.  Mel has so many kids, even Mexicans are saying, “Wear a condom, fool!”

Oksana Grigorieva claims Gibson physically abused her while she was holding their baby daughter.  Since this allegation, Oksana has received thousands of supportive emails and letters from friends, fans and family members.  In a related story, Chris Brown sent Mel a text that read, “Way to Keep Yo Bitch in Line”.

Timothy Dalton, Oksana’s ex-husband, is seeking a restraining order against Gibson to keep him away from his son.  This is nothing new to the Welsh actor; 15 years ago Dalton got a restraining order against his career.

Talk about a shooting star!  Gibson went from being People’s magazine “Sexiest Man Alive” and Hollywood’s most popular leading man…..to the world’s most hated actor.  Mel won an award for directing 1995‘s Braveheart, which also won Best Picture that year.  For 25 years running, he could have landed any movie role he desired; now Mel Gibson couldn’t even get an extra role on a film entitled The Life of Mel Gibson.  Directly after these rants were made public, Gibson’s agents dropped him quicker than Perez Hilton dropping a copy of Hustler.

So now Mel has publicly made insulting and hateful comments toward African-Americans, Mexicans, Jews, gays, and women…..I could at least respect him if he had just said “I hate people”.  When asked if there’s a group of people Mel didn’t detest, he replied “I like the Pollocks. They make great hookers.”

In Mel’s phone tirade, he made completely unrelated mysogynist and racist remarks (about black and Mexican people)….but his ex-girlfriend is Russian. If he really wanted to hurt her, why was there not one Russian slur? (Okay, to be fair; there was plenty of slurring ocurring; but it was all scotch-induced.) Yet not one “Commie Whore” was uttered.

The truth is, I’ve always been a big fan of Mel Gibson’s acting.  This unnecessarily malicious behavior is beyond disappointing to me. The notorious celeb has proven that he is a dark and twisted vehicle that runs on sheer anger and hatred. Trust me – Mel wants to kill Oksana, but he knows he’ll never get away with it.  It’s not like he’s an ex-NFL player.

And Gibson also knows if he ever goes to jail, he will inevitably get raped by a “pack” of gay men – all black, latino and Jewish.  And ironically, none of them will wear a condom.

By Claude Stuart

©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.


1 Comment

  1. dynamic.

    he makes your job too easy right?

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