3D Porn Made Her Pregnant

Erick Johnson, a white U.S. military man, returned from Iraq to find that his white wife had given birth to a black baby. But according to her, his wife did not cheat; she got impregnated by watching a 3-D porno starring a black adult film star. (She took a pregnancy test and confirmed it.) What’s the only thing that could make this story more ridiculous? Her husband believes her!

A woman actually got her hubby to believe she was pregnant – not from an affair, but from merely viewing a smutflick. Talk about “immaculate deception”. She alleges she hadn’t had sex in months, but still took a pregnancy test. Hmm….

If chicks can get pregnant from watching porn, remind me to never watch Deliverance on Blue-Ray. I’ve never heard anything more absurd than this story; although my roomate took a date to Avatar and got blue balls.  (Ba-zing! Call me “butter”, ‘cause I am on a roll!)

I would never believe my wife if she said, “I got pregnant from watching a 3-D porno.” But I would totally believe her if she added, “It was a 3-D porn that I starred in.”

In defending his wife and himself, the husband said, “Damn right I believe her; I’m a Christian!”  He’s got a point; Christians believe that a virgin got pregnant by an invisible man who lives in the sky and has a nemesis in the form of a talking snake.

I think Erick Johnson should at least ask for a DNA test. But good luck getting the Maury Povich peeps to track down the true identity of Long Dong Silver and Arnold Schwarzenpecker. But Johnson does have a plan; he says he and his wife will be seeking child support from the porn producers.

So the child is black, but shouldn’t the child also be in 3-D?

With the current popularity of 3-D pics, there are concerns about them having dangerous effects on the viewers’ eyes….especially if they’re hit by a flying orgasm. (But seriously, the enormous size of those 3-D glasses should provide sufficient protection.)

Though I find Mrs. Johnson’s story to be hysterically outrageous, let me tell you why I don’t buy it: If it was a real porn, he would have pulled out; and we all know you can’t get pregnant from “the pull-out method”.  However, the “Just The Tip” method has quite the opposite effect. Just ask my parents.

By Claude Stuart

©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.

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