Butt Implant Debacle


Plastic surgery is always risky, but can you really die from silicone butt implants? Absolutely. That’s exactly what happened to Mayra Lissette Contreras. What caused respiratory problems in this poor woman? The silicone injections turned into plastic in her body.  When singer/actress Cher heard this story, she responded; “That’s weird; my body’s 80% plastic; and I’m perfectly healthy.”

I’m shocked; most women die from trying to make their asses SMALLER! But it’s not Contreras’s fault; the only mistake she made was choosing the wrong “doctors”. The women responsible for her terminal implants are two sisters who’ve been posing as cosmetic surgeons (in Slymar, CA), and now they’re on the run from the law!

{FACT: When silicone is used for breast implants, it’s medical grade and placed in the body in a capsule. However, “underground” cosmetic surgeons inject large amounts of industrial silicones. What’s wrong with this? Well, it may only cause heavy scarring, breathing problems and….oh, yeah – DEATH. These pseudo-surgeons are literally eliminating the middle man.}

The 2 sisters – Guadalupe and Alejandra Viveros – have already been arrested for practicing medicine without a license prior to Contreras’ death. Since they never showed up for their court date, they’ve been more absent than a decent joke in an episode of “According to Jim”. Judging by her photo, I believe Alejandra has undergone plastic surgery, ‘cause her lips make Angelina’s look like an infant’s.

The sisters-in-crime advertised by passing out business cards in parking lots. The ad said, “Obtain a nice, firm buttocks.”  Okay, if you can’t utilize correct grammar in your own advertisement, you probably can’t perform a proper procedure. And let’s say – for argument’s sake – these chicks were targeting a Latino demographic whose speaks English as a 3rd language. Well, how the hell do most Mexicans afford plastic surgery? The dudes who hang out in front of Home Depot can’t even afford plastic sliver ware. Coincidentally enough, police think the “Sisters Viveros” have fled to Mexico. Seriamente.

If a doctor makes a living by giving people fake body parts, it doesn’t surprise me that they have a fake license. So in attempt to help all my friends and fans, I’ve comprised a quick list of danger signs if you ever encounter this situation. So please read, learn; and above all….enjoy.


10) If their office is a studio apartment, and the waiting room is a flower bed.

9) If their silicone injections look like Tupperware.

8) If they only accept cash, but prefer pesos.

7) If their assistant is Lindsay Lohan.

6) If the patient before you walks in the doctors’ office looking somewhat normal and walks out looking like The Cryptkeeper.

5) You ask for painkillers, and they hand you a bottle of Jose Cuervo.

4) If their previous clients include The Joker from Batman and The Jigsaw Mask from the Saw movies. (By the way – why do the weird red-and-white cheeks of The Jigsaw Saw Mask look just like the Target symbol?)

3) If a patient in the waiting room has absurdly large amount of injections in only one buttock, causing one cheek to look like J-Lo’s and the other to look like a pre-teen Chinese gymnast.

2) When asked to show proof of his credentials, the doctor just says “I’m really good at the board game ‘Operation’.”

1) During your consultation for lip injections, they say “I just wanna warn you: After the operation, when someone kisses you, they’re actually kissing Star Jones’ ass.”

By Claude Stuart

©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.

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