Fred Wills, Jr. – chef/owner of popular Virginia Beach restaurant “Big Daddy’s: A Touch of the South” – has been charged with running an illegal drug ring in four different states. That’s right, folks; a cook nicknamed “Big Daddy” has been operating a $9 million marijuana, cocaine and crack ring for years in Virginia, North Carolina, Florida and Texas. I am absolutely appalled….that he’s only made $9 million! Come on!
In defending himself, Wills, Jr. said, “The law should look on the bright side: Okay, many of my employees were on cocaine; but they were productive as hell! The ones who just smoked pot, I fired.” I give Mr. Wills, Jr. credit: He never hired crackheads; he only sold them crack. Verbal self-defense is not Big Daddy’s strength; in explaining why he sold drugs, he told authorities, “The customer is always right!”
Wills and his cronies gave customers styrofoam containers of cocaine; and one kilogram cost $23,000. Imagine picking up the wrong “to-go” order in this situation. What would you do? In a celebrity survey, Kirtsie Alley replied, “If a restaurant gave me drugs instead of food – I’d demand free food, then sue them for UNLIMITED free food!” And Lindsay Lohan’s answer? “I’d shut up and take the drugs! Are you kiddin’ me? Talk about winning the lottery!” Upon hearing this, Artie Lange admitted, “I’m totally torn. They both have a point.”
Police became slightly suspicious of Big Daddy’s when take-out orders cost $23,000 and regulars said, “Do you have change for $50-grand? Man, this ‘Coke’ is expensive!”
The cops were trailing Wills, Jr. for the last 8 years. The kingpin left other clues: Big Daddy’s used ad slogans like, “We have a wide variety of your guiltiest pleasures”, “Your order is our secret”, and “We have the best illegal drugs in The South”.
Big Daddy’s: A Touch of the South is now experiencing competition with similar-themed restaurants, most noticeably “Drunk Uncle’s”, “Mooching Stepson” and “Fatass Mother-in-Law’s”.
The government wants to take away over $9 million of his assets because it’s “drug money”. So what about all the charity work he did? Do the homeless people he fed for free on holidays have to work off their meals? That’s all you need – Cross-Eyed Larry as your waiter, greeting you by shouting “Gimme back my shopping cart, mothafucka!” (Then again, he’d probably be happy if you only tipped him a buck….)
How does a dishwasher who quickly works his way up to head chef and multiple restaurant owner suddenly turn to crime? Well, google “Fred Wills, Jr.”; you’ll see he has quite the rap sheet. He admits he spent most of his youth in prison – the last stint was 16 years for armed robbery; this guy’s done more time than Nelson Mandela. (Only Big Daddy actually deserved it.) Well, you can take the convict out of the joint, but ya can’t take the joint out of the convict. According to authorities, they found more weed in Wills’ hairnet than the parking lot of a Dead show.
Big Daddy admits he used to be homeless; that’s why he tries to give back to the community. (I’m assuming “give back” applies to only free meals, not free drug addiction.) And after the government takes over $9 mil of his assets, he’ll be homeless again. He’ll be just like Steve Martin in The Jerk, but actually black.
I think this drug-dealing chef story could easily be made into a movie. The federal indictment was 26 pages. That’s longer than an episode of “Two and Half Men”. And funnier.
By Claude Stuart
©2010 Claude Stuart. All Rights Reserved.
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