A guy in Philadelphia actually called 911 because he ran out of alcohol and needed a ride to the liquor store. This jackoff was so drunk, he probably called 411 to get 911’s number.

Nick Nolte said, “There’s nothing wrong with that. The guy had called 911 ‘cause he had an emergency!” Amy Winehouse added, “Did the chap not have a driver?” I’m kidding; she didn’t say anything – she was too busy blowing Nolte. Look out!

He demanded to speak to the Sheriff and claimed the Sheriff gave him permission to get this call. What does this dude do when he strikes out with chicks at last call? Phone the White House, then accuse Obama of being racist when he doesn’t get a call back?

In his defense, this was a much better choice than driving. And remember, kids: He lives in Philly. After seeing how the Eagles played against the Redskins, he had to get hammered! By the way, FACT: If you’re driving under the influence, your chances of getting pulled over by the police are higher if you’re listening to Billy Joel. But personally….I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. Sinners are much more fun.

In a related story on Fox News….A woman in Ohio called 911 and asked for a date. My God, she sounds more desperate than Johnny Drama talking to Spielberg.

Well, let’s be honest: We’ve all been this drunk before; she’s just the first person on record to make this call. I was so drunk at my birthday party, I walked into a wall….and apologized to it. “(Thud!) Oh, sorry, dude. Hey, can I borrow 5 bucks? This guy’s a dick! He’s like talking to a wall!” Sometimes getting drunk and making bad decisions can cause accidental births.  And not just to babies, but to a TV series!  Example: When writer Kevin Kennedy got drunk with friend Niels Mueller, they created “The Defenders”, starring Jim Belushi and Jerry O’Connell. After they sobered up and realized the show actually became part of CBS’s lineup, they predicted the title will soon change to “The Cancellation”.

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