Toys U might want to think twice about getting 4 the Kids this Xmas:

Happy Holidays everyone!

Here’s a few toys ya might wanna think twice about B4 getting for the kiddies as last minute gifts this holiday…



1)  Child-Sized Vuvuzela:

First of all, a kid should never have a toy with a quadri-syllabic name.
Secondly, a kid should never have a toy whose name includes the word “vulva“.

If you aren’t familiar with these things and what they sound like…  Click HERE

WHY…???   Why would you EVER give a child a toy that makes that noise and has the potential to make THE LOUDEST – MOST IRRITATING NOISE POSSIBLE?  Parents now have to compete with this; yelling, “Go to your ROOOOM! NNNOOOWWWW!”


2)  Playmobil Security Checkpoint:

I find this offensive, but not for obvious reasons you’re thinking…

The passenger in the checkpoint has a powder blue sweater around his neck, red pants hiked up higher than Patrick Swayze’s in ROADHOUSE, and horseshoes for hands!

The security pat-down dude is dressed like a backup singer in GREASE!

…And is brandishing what appears to be either a gigantic key or a wand for blowing bubbles.


3)  Don’t Wake The Hulk:

While furious Hulk grunts certainly make an effective alarm clock, this will undoubtedly horrify children every morning. 

As a kid, if I wanted to hear some angry monster growl at me;

I’d just spill Kool-Aid on my Dad’s couch.

(Ironically, on the cover of the toybox….Hulk is smiling.)



4)  Lower Back Temporary Tatoos

For the parents who think the only kind of work your daughter can do is polework!

I’m surprised these tatoos don’t come with a g-string and white powder with an adorable name like “Sandy Candy”.





5)  Video Girl Barbie

The box says “I am a real working video camera”.

It could be worse; it could say, “I’m a real WORKING GIRL”.
This Barbie wears a videocamera and can secretly record all her activities.  Her original name was “Big Brother Barbie”.
The next Barbie will be Plastic Surgery Barbie. This is ridiculous; because if anyone needs plastic surgery, it’s Ken.


6)  Kackel Dackel

The toy is literally a puppy crapping!

If you buy your kid this thing, please keep him away from real dogs.

Personally, if I wanna waste time watching a bunch of dogshit…..

I’ll just go see a Katherine Heigl movie.


7)  Broom

Actually, I think this is a fantastic Xmas gift!

It’s inspired me to buy my future daughter a sponge and a mop, too!

Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten my son….he’ll get a shiny, new lawnmower.




8 8) Cool Toy right!  Look Closely…

This is a “racing game”/maze that has no beginning nor end, and an array of unappealing colors.

Now, is there anything visually offensive other than the color?  Maybe a symbol you might not want your child to associate with a HAPPY toy??

My guess is, this wasn’t made in Germany!

…In its defense, it only costs a buck at The Dollar General. Which is over-priced by exactly a dollar.



9)  Roadkill Toys

Well, it’s still better than a Live Hitchhiker.














10)  Buzz Lightyear Cup

I don’t know what’s more disturbing – the phallic shape of the straw, the length or the color.  Oh, yeah….and the fact that kids are supposed to drink from it.








11)  Dr. Drill N’ Fill

This toy looks like a decapitated Mr. Potato Head.

It’s less for the aspiring dentist and more for the aspiring serial killer.
Something tells me this Xmas toy would sell more if it was marketed toward Chanukah.


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