The Super Bowl’s almost here. But this blog isn’t about the game or the fact that the teams are named after a moving company and a felony (Packers and Steelers, respectively.) However, both teams don’t have cheerleaders, which I find disappointing. So what’s better than cheerleaders? How ‘bout topless dancers? Check this out….

The 30 Mile Zone of Dallas is expecting so many patrons on Super Bowl weekend that they need 10,000 MORE STRIPPERS! Yeah, good luck finding 10,000 women in Texas who wanna “put themselves through college.” I went to SMU in Dallas and didn’t meet one chick whose parents weren’t picking up the tuition tab.

There’s 60 clubs in the area outside the Cowboys Stadium; you can’t drive half a mile without seeing a topless bar. Women who DON’T expose their breasts will be in the minority….finally. The expected out-of-state visitors is 300,000; which makes the tourist to stripper ratio 30:1. I hope the security at these clubs is good, ‘cause drunk rednecks are just a pinball machine away from The Accused.

10,000 extra strippers. Even Stevie Nicks’ guy can’t supply that much coke. Charlie Sheen’s gotta be saying, “I picked the wrong week to get a hernia.”

I wish I knew how to counterfeit money. Fake dollars for fake boobs sounds fair, right? But seriously, imagine how much money the local bikini waxing salons will make….

The most ironic part of this story is “Super Bowl” actually sounds like slang for “Nice tit”. (Relax, critics – I didn’t say “tits” ‘cause “Superbowl” isn’t plural.)

My wife’s not nearly as big a fan of stripping as I am; I’ve been trying to get her into it. And I mean LITERALLY get her into stripping. She’s hot; in 2 months, we can pay off our all debt! If only I can convince her to change her name to “Sapphire”….


1 Comment

  1. Shappire is really a good name for a stripper

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