“MONTE CAR-NO!”: THE MOST EXPENSIVE CAR CRASH EVER

A woman just caused a 700,000-Euro, 5-car pile-up right in front of the entrance of the Place du Casino in Monte Carlo For those of you who’ve never left America, that’s a measly $1,000,100.00. She crashed her Bentley into a Mercedes, a Ferrari, a Porsche AND an Aston Martin. Then she puked a diamond necklace.

If I had a choice of getting my car slammed into by another vehicle, I’d prefer a Bentley. At least the driver can afford the damage! If a Bentley crashes into your car, it’s just a hit. If a Carolla crashes into your car, it’s a hit-and-run.

Well, let’s look on the brightside: Anyone in that much of a hurry to get to a casino can’t wait to blow their money. Mission accomplished, honey. And hey, I gotta hand it to the chick – this is the most original way anyone has ever lost a million bucks at a casino. Talk about a bad day at the tables – she’s down 7 figures before she even valets her car. (Or in her case, before she “fillets” her car. Rimshot!)

Though this female driver is being internationally mocked, I pity her. Not only is she out at least 60 grand; but she AND her two passengers were trapped in the convertible, unable to open the doors. Well; at least she could see hundreds of tourists pointing, filming and yelling “How high is that bitch?!!” In French, of course….or whatever Monte Carlo people speak.

The Bentley, Ferarri, Porsche and Aston Martin all need new front wings and bumpers. Holy Balls, can you imagine purchasing new front wings for 4 different, luxurious automobiles? The only wings I can afford cost 25 cents at Happy Hour.

As a man who cannot currently afford a Bentley (and may or may not be making payments on an ’05 Carolla); I must admit: This woman is my hero. Every time I see somebody driving a Bentley, I want them to crash. Every time I see somebody driving a Carolla, I want them to crash….into a Bentley.

Of all these ultra-expensive, constantly envied cars, my favorite is the Aston Martin. Remember when the Aston Martin from the James Bond movies got stolen from an auction back in the late-90s? That car was awesome – it had missiles, lasers, bullet-proof glass, a passenger-ejector seat, a “plane transformation” button….and apparently, no alarm.

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