Yes, this really happened. In that order! But allow me to explain….

Mace Hutchinson, 16, was found by police underneath the 30-foot overpass bridge of a freeway in Ozark, Missouri. He evidently either fell or jumped. Either way, he got a broken heel AND a broken back. Now here’s where it gets weird….

After the fall/jump, witnesses saw the kid and called the cops. They claimed he “looked a little agitated”. Interesting. They also stated “In the Tour de France, Larry Flynt would have a slight disadvantage.”

So why did the police taser Mace 19 times AFTER he broke his back? According to the officers, he kept screaming “Shoot cops!” and running to the busy freeway. I can understand a couple of tasers, but 19? I’m sorry, but if two or more cops can’t detain a teenager with a broken back in a taser-less fashion, they should be demoted to dispatch. Learn to use your cuffs, boys. (“Shoot cops!” What if the kid was actually saying “Cute cops”?)

This incident actually improved kids’ behavior in Missouri. When their parents ask, “If your best friend jumped off a bridge, would you?”…..the kids now say, “Hell, no; I don’t wanna get tasered 19 times!”

One officer didn’t help matters when he justified his actions by saying, “We just proved to Rodney King and the African-American community that Law Enforcement uses excessive force on white people, too.” Can’t we all just get it wrong?

Mace’s family thinks the excessive tasering delayed his recovery, because doctors couldn’t operate until his body healed an extra 2 days. His dad said, “I’m really worried about his recovery.” Well, you should be worried about your son being a slow learner. (I don’t know about you; but after the cops taser me ONCE, I’m staying put.) Ozark Police Captain insists the tasering was necessary because Hutchinson refused to obey his men, threatened them, and – my personal fave – “It’s a big concern for the officers, to keep him out of traffic, to keep him from getting hurt.” I see. Well, you know what they say: The best way to avoid pain is to get gratuitously electroshocked by a stungun.

It’s ironic that the cops used their equipment to physically subdue a guy named “Mace”. I know a chick who accidentally maced herself named “Pepper”.

The Facts: A highschool boy jumps or falls off a bridge. There were no traces of alcohol nor drugs in his system. Cops arrive, and he starts yelling homicidal shit at them and running towards traffic….even after being repeatedly tasered. Why? He’s either suicidal or stupid.

The kid later defended himself, saying “I was auditioning for ‘Jackass’.” Considering the show went off the air nine years ago, I’m calling him “stupid”. Plus, he didn’t even have someone film him.

Imagine being tasered NINETEEN TIMES. After the first taser, Mace probably yelled “Shoot cops!” After the second, he probably screamed “Kill cops!” After the third, he probably went with “Stop, that hurts!” After the 10th: “I have no control over my muscles!” After the 13th: “I like donuts!” After the 18th: “Why is no one filming this?” After the 19th: “Alright, NOW I give up. You win!”



  1. Hey, Claude, this piece really gave me a good laugh. It was a tough day but your humor made me forget it for a littie while.

  2. Hi there, I found your website via Google even as searching for a similar topic, your site came up, it appears great. I’ve added to my favourites|added to my bookmarks.

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