WHY KATY & RUSSELL GOT DIVORCED

So Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced. No way. You mean to tell me things didn’t work out between a twenty-something female pop singer and a middle-aged, former drug addict/current sex addict male movie star? I’m beyond awestruck.

BOTTOM LINE: You just can’t have a Hollywood marriage work when BOTH celebs are near the peaks of their careers. They’re each busier than a 1-legged man in an ass-kicking contest; they’re inundated with filming, travel and press; they have no time to dedicate to their spouse; and they work with the most beautiful people on earth. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were exceptions to the rule; but they met AFTER their careers were on track, and Paul clearly had the more successful career. After all, that famous salad dressing isn’t called “Woodward’s Own”. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson are a lovely celeb couple; but again, they’re not quite on the same cinematic success level. Tommy’s one of only two people ever to win an Oscar for a leading role two years in a row (The answer is Spencer Tracy – there, I just saved you 10 seconds of googling); and Rita Wilson’s most impressive credits include Teen Witch, Cheech and Chong’s Next Movie, and Jingle All the Way. (She was also in Psycho, but it was the ’98 remake version.)

Why was Brand the one who filed for divorce? ‘Cause all her partying with Rhianna makes him uncomfortable? ‘Cause he doesn’t respect her Christian minister parents’ beliefs? ‘Cause he’s a sex addict that can never be faithful? These are all probably true, but none are the reason Russell decided to legally split. HERE’S THE REASON: Brand divorced her because they had no pre-nup. Oh Katy, honey; have you learned nothing from Kanye?

They both live in Cali, a state where if a married couple has no pre-nuptial agreement….all assets must be divided equally. Brand is already worth $15 million. But Katy’s worth $44 million, which now makes him the official breadwinner. That’s why I’ll never divorce my wife; I can’t leave her with an estate worth 48 bucks!

The moral of the story is….evangelical pastors shouldn’t have kids, ‘cause they’ll only grow up to be debaucherous rockstars who marry reformed heroin addict/current sex addict movie stars who take half their shit. Now that’s Hot and Cold.

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2 Comments

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    • Hot and Cold:

      Absolutely, you can quote me as long as you give me credit. Thanks so much, please keep in touch; and talk to you soon, my friend!

      Claude Stuart


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