The only thing worse than finding out your Mom stole Pampers….is discovering she also fought security guards and ran out of the store topless. This was Aishana Clayton’s plan of attack, and it worked perfectly.

After security guards in a Pathmark store in Upper Darby, Pennslyvania saw Ms. Clayton swipe a boxer of Pampers, they quickly captured her and took her to an in-store holding area. (Why doesn’t every store have a “Criminal Section”? Ross does; it’s the entire building.) Most caught culprits would have just stopped here. But not this crazy bitch….Clayton allegedly punched, bit and scratched a 47-year-old female security guard! When the poor guard finally grabbed ahold of Clayton’s shirt, she immediately wiggled her way out and sprinted through the store and into the parking lot WITH NO TOP ON!

This was actually confirmed by Upper Darby Police Superintendant Michael Chitwood, who said on record; “Her breasts were swinging as she ran out of the store.” Well, for those of you trying to guess her cup size; I think we can safely rule out “Double A”. If her funbags were literally swinging, this visual could be very stimulating…..or very disturbing. She either has beautifully sculpted, symmetrically perfect flesh-scoops, or stretch mark-infested, unidentified wound-covered Bungee-Boobies. Either way, most men could probably find a way to climax to the security tape.

Clayton continued her semi-naked jog to a getaway car waiting in the parking lot, and they escaped. Imagine being the getaway driver on a Diaper Job. Is this one step up from a Lollypop Heist?

Now imagine being a customer walking toward the store as you see a psychotic, topless woman desperately galloping out the front door. Would it motivate you to go in the store, or scare you away? Or would you run after the naked chick? From now on, Pathmark stores should include these questions in EVERY job interview.

This girl should be easy to catch; the cops just need to look for a woman wearing a bra made out of Pampers.

Let’s check out Clayton’s rap sheet…..The Good News: She’s only on parole ‘til November! The Bad News: She has prior convictions for aggravated assault, attempted murder, and FOUR DIFFERENT convictions for retail theft. Damn, Aishana’s spent so much time in jail; she could play for The Raiders. (And according to this story, she’s got better defense.)

For this latest episode, Ms. Clayton is facing charges for robbery, retail theft, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, and harassment. Isn’t something missing? How ‘bout INDECENT EXPOSURE? A topless chick gets caught stealing and beating up employees, and gets charged for everything BUT flashing her titties? I guarantee you if a dude pulled the same stunt with his crank swinging out of his pants, the FIRST criminal offense would be “Public Indecency”. Then again, security probably wouldn’t tackle him….

You know what the weirdest part of this diaper-robbery is? Aishana doesn’t have any children.

1 Comment

  1. …bungie-boobies??!!!??…. …eeewwwwwwie….

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